Ask Me Anything!

Do you have a questions about sex, love, life or relationships? Fill out the form below and River will answer your questions

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ANSWERS

May 14, 2009

DEAR RIVER,

"How does girl on girl sexual intercourse work because it is like bumper to bumper if you know what I mean?"

Curious Girl

Dear Curious Girl,

There is so much two women can do to bring each other pleasure- sucking, licking, fucking (using sex toys or any phallic object), fantasy, S&M, role playing, videos, the list goes on and on.  It really doesn’t matter the gender combination, it's all about communication, intimacy and creativity. It is about finding things that both parties enjoy and get pleasure from. The only way to find this out is to talk to your partner. There is not a playlist that all lesbians follow.

Best wishes

River

May 12. 2009

DEAR RIVER,

I'm an 18-year old girl (virgin) and have little interest in sex. My friends are always slobbering about how so and so is hot. But I never have fantasies about guys I know. I never really have major crushes on boys or girls or what have you. I get pissed when all people talk about is sex, not because I'm not getting any but because the idea bores me. I masturbate because it feels nice, but I feel no desire to have sex, in fact it kind of grosses me out. I don't look at guys lustfully all that often- I think more along the lines of 'good friend' material. I know I'm not gay (have never felt any pull towards girls), but I think something must be wrong with me if I'm not falling head over heels in love/lust with guys at my age. Science says I should be some kind of uncontrollable sexaholic at this age, but I'm not. If it makes any difference, I started puberty very early (9), so maybe I went through that phase at 13 or something and didn't even notice it.

If you have any kind of explanation to offer, please do so!

Sincerely,

Not Interested

Dear Not interested

You are perfectly normal. I don't know all the background on your life and experiences but from what you said you are not alone. If you enjoy masturbation and can be aroused then there is nothing physical going on and as far as having sex with someone or being interested in having sex with someone, that will happen when it happens, if it happens.

We all have different levels of hormones in us and emotionally many women just are not as interested as others in physical, intimate relationships. Have compassion for your sex-crazed friends, just know that’s their thing, not yours and how you feel is perfectly fine. If it becomes an issue that it really bothers you I would go to the counseling center, it’s free. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you it just will give you a confidential outlet to talk about things that bug you.

I wish you the very best,

River

May 1, 2009

Dear River

It is extremely difficult for me to get close to a girl; I have natural feelings of distrust when I meet most girls, and when they express interest in me I think in my head that they just want me because I'm good-looking and to fuck...and it makes me feel used, like nobody cares to get to know me or establish a connection, it's just for pleasure and then move on. I used to love situations like this (casual sex was cool and fun), but now I just feel like shit. And when I do start to establish something with a girl, I end up getting scared and pulling back and even sometimes sabotaging the relationship. I want to get close to someone, I just don't know how. I mainly ask this because I met a girl recently and I like her thus far. She has the main intangibles in her personality that I know work for me, so I'd like to keep liking her (and not screw it up) and possibly move it further eventually.

Help! 



Dear Help,



As far as intimacy goes. There are no quick fixes . We become hardwired when it comes to relationships. We are programmed to repeat behavior and dynamics over and over again. The partners change and the relationships stays the same unless we break the pattern.

It takes 4 month of consistent behavioral change to build new neural passages into the brain that will maintain the change and give us new ways to look at situations. What this means is it take vigilance to change patterns of behaviors. You already recognize the problem which is great. To better understand both why you pull away, and/or attract women who do not commit, the best thing to do is an inventory.


Look through past relationships. Try to only look at your part in it. Be specific with resentments, What part of yourself felt hurt or threatened; self esteem pride, emotional security, dishonesty and anything else you might think affected the relationships and it's outcome. Look for similarities and you will see a pattern emerge. Which includes the kind of partners you pick. The resentments you might have developed over the course of the relationship. You can also look at the relationships you have with other woman in your life (sisters, mother, friends, other female relatives) and messages you have gotten from the men in your life. Write it all down. The more you know the more you will be able to understand the fear and just sit with it instead of sabotaging the situation.

When you feel you are going into flight mode. Stop. Be in the moment. Breath.

Know that no matter what choices you make nothing is written in stone. Explore your fear by facing it. If the person you are interested in sees that you are being present that might even frighten her and she might pull away, this is okay, you are breaking a pattern. If you want a loving committed relationship the most important advice I can give you is stay in the moment. When you feel your past -bad relationships, poor advice, pain, hurt .. come creeping in, just breath and bring yourself back to the moment, observe it and let it go. Do the same thing when you start to obsess about the future; "Is this the one? Do I really want to be in this relationship? What is there is someone better? I will only get hurt? Whatever stories you tell yourself, know they are just that stories, they have not happened and we are making them up! Anything that you need to know about the relationship will be revealed if you can stay present. It is a struggle at first but in the end you get to know yourself and exactly what you need better. When we worry about the past and future that is when we sabotage our lives. It's a primitive behavior meant to protect us from harm but you don't need it anymore. Enjoy the time you have with the person. When you are present is when you can really experience intimacy, which is what makes a relationship last.



Best Wishes,

River 



Dear River

April 15, 2009

Why are men attracted to breasts?


Sincerely
Boob-a-licious 



Dear Boob-a-licious,

Because they don’t have any, usually. Actually there are a couple of reasons. One is about evolution and procreation. Men tend to be attracted to women who can make babies and provide for their physical needs. Breast size assures the man that his children will be properly fed. It is also possible due to the innate testosterone fueled competitiveness of men that comes out especially when they gather in groups of two or more. “Oh man you should have seen the t#ts on this girl!” Hearing other men talk about breasts can feed the fascination of the elusive breast.

It also may be due to the reality that breasts in our culture are hidden from view and that creates mystery enough that there can be a fixation. Of course I should mention the whole breast-feeding aspect which might contribute to breast attraction However, I know many men who were not breast-fed that are just as obsessed about breasts. And if breast-feeding creates an attachment (excuse the pun) to breasts it would mean that everyone, men and women alike who were breast-fed would be attracted to breasts. So one or a combination of these possibilities is probably why men are attracted to boobs.



Best Wishes,

River

 March 15, 2009

What can I do to make my boyfriend cum faster? It starts to hurt and he takes forever! 



Sincerely
Very Sore 



Dear Very Sore,


Orgasm might be the destination but the fun is in the journey and it sounds like you are on a rough road. So concentrate on other things besides intercourse. Find out what brings you pleasure sexually-oral sex, watching him masturbate, vibrators. Incorporate these other activities into your lovemaking.

To make him reach climax faster you can ask him about his fantasies. Maybe there is clothing he gets turned on by, role-playing or a certain act, position or toy that will excite him. Ask hime to masterbate for you so you can see exactly how he likes his penis touched.

Explore each others bodies to find what works for both of you.  Make sex a celebration not a chore

Best Wishes,

River