Here are all the text messages in their original form and my
replies from The College of Charleston audience. Thanks to all of you for being such a
great group!
Have you ever sent a naked text?
No
Thank you so much that was awesome you are such a strong
person?
Thank you for sending
such kind words!
What's your favorite position girl
next to my husband,
anything we do is great!
Can you have sex bc you have HIV or did you never have sex
again?
Absolutely
I thought you were WONDERFUL tonight and i hope you can help
me out sometime! :)
Are you still with that dude? (the one you were tested with
Short-term
relationship.
You+jesus=real true love?
I love Jesus as well
as Buddha, Vishnu, Mohammad, they all had amazing things to say. There is also
much information in modern day profits sometimes it is just the guy making
change at the coffee counter. I find God in everyone and everything.
You’re so inspiring. no questions. thanks.
Thank-you!
What happened to the guy you went with to the HIV clinic?
long gone.
how long do u have to live?
as long as I am
supposed to. I was not given any dates though I have come very close three time.
Are you scared to have sex being HIV positive?
No. There are ways to be completely safe.
there is more to sex than condoms and barrier sex what makes sex great is the
person you are having it with intimacy and communication.
Are you really over your eating disorder? Because that's
something that's is not easily overcome.
I still struggle but
I am defiantly no longer anorexic. I went to being a binger than a binger/
starver/over exerciser. I have been to several programs and worked with a
therapist. I do keep a food journal but I no longer have “good foods and bad
foods. I eat what I want. My slips are when I start to feel fat and panic but I
know now that I need to talk it out with someone and then I am okay. It is a
lifelong disease and it is important to be accepting that so you can treat it.
Do think girls put more pressure on guys when have sex?
Sometimes. I have not
really seen this. if anything I have seen the opposite but I will start asking this question.
Tell us that joke you said you couldn't tell us...about
loving yourself?
They always say you
have to love yourself before you love someone else
well I have a
vibrator ( it is funnier when told live!)
What accomplishment are you most proud of?
finding peace and joy
in my life as well as being to make a life that has meaning that also
financially support me. (my husband, chickens, friends and dogs are part of
that joy)
You are very inspirational!
Thanks!
How did it feel when your cherry was popped?
Painful physically and emotionally. It was
very bad. I was not with someone I loved or even cared or respected me.
If you don't mind me asking did you have a lot of sex
partners before you found out you had HIV?
I did not keep count.
Can you ask number 2 on the basketball team if he can yell
out his phone number?
Sorry it is too late
for me to help you just go up and say hi!
Hi what’s your full name im writing a paper on you!
River Huston
Whatever happened to they guy you got tested with?
He went on to marry and have children.
river- you've been through a lot of shit, how did you stay
positive throughout everything?
I make the choice to
be happy. It is a choice I have
each day when I find myself circling
the drain I can recognize that behavior and the best way to get out of that is
to help another person or talk to someone. I know what it feels like to feel
bad, negative and beat myself up if I don’t have to then why do it. I learned
it was a habit and just like any other bad habit I need to quit. sometimes even
things that feel bad we keep doing because they are familiar and comfortable. I
learned to make happiness a habit and now that is where I am most comfortable.
Is it true if you don’t use it you lose it?
No. unless there are
other blocks (emotional and physical) it is always there waiting for the right
opportunity.
Explain how Jesus changed ur life?
It is not so much
Jesus as it is faith. Sometimes it is my faith in humanity or myself or the
unconditional love of animals that pulls me through tough times.
Hi I'm from PA too! But anyways, what's it like knowing that
you have this disease and how do you get over it? I'm so sorry. Don't read this
part but how do you overcome something like that? Bc I'm trying to do that
same...
It is not so much
about getting over it or overcoming it as it is living with it. It is the same thing with my mom, who
can be difficult,or having to pay bills, it is all about acceptance. HIV is one of the challenges I live
with so I incorporate it into my life and work with it.
can u get hiv without having sex?
yes if you share
needles, exchange blood in anyway or through breast milk.
Were you ever severely depressed?
Yes, I was mostly very depressed most of
my early life up till I was about 30. I am much better now tthrough the help of therapy
and occasional use of therapeutic drugs. I still have bouts
but I have the choice to turn it around. I have a lot tools from service
to therapy to get out of it.
What town outside Philly are you from?
Upper Black Eddy
are you married?
Yes
you ARE awesome and i like you amd you make me laugh...
Thanks! I am so Glad!
Do you have a good relationship with your mother. Or did you
ever get to fix it?
I did. If you read
the deathbed story you will see hat I forgave her. We are not real close but I
love her.
Did you ever find that "one special guy". Ohh lala
Yes, my amazing
husband. we will have been together 9 years December 17, 2009
Do I need to get tested if I'm just having oral sex with 1
partner?
Yes, it is unlikely
to get infected through oral sex but possible.
do you date college guys?
No I am married and
forever faithful!
U+Jesus = true happieness! We love you and so does he.
Romans 5:8
I take all the love I
can get!
Do u have any kids? Cause they would be veru lucky!
No but I have three
dogs and 4 chickens.
do you wanna meet up after?
No, but thanks for
asking!
is your husband hiv?
No, he is HIV negative.
What about your dad?
He is alive and well and
I love and adore him. We had some issues but we were able to talk about them
and work out amends to one another.
Romans5:8- God displays his love in that while we were still
sinner, Christ died for us.
Good to know.
Can u be my mom? Sure!
Wats ur favorite lube?
What is good for me
may not be good for you need to experiment and find one you like.
Pregamed before I came here.
Sorry to hear that.
im sorry about your chicken. my ginea pig died 2 weeks
ago...
Thanks for the
condolences! sorry for your guinea pig!
So can someone do oral to u?
Yes. If they use a
barrier like a dental dam.
Where did you get your shoes?
They are Dr Scholls
from three years ago. even though they are high heels they are super
comfortable!
I think youre great! Thanks for coming!
Thank-you!
What did they call your foster child?
Basura, which means
garbage.
where’s your wedding ring?
I was painting before
I came and I took it off so I would not get it covered in paint and forgot to
put it back on!
Thank you for speaking tonight. This was the best way to
communicate with college students.
Thanks!
what size are you now?
148 pound size 10
Do you love having the name river?
Yes!
How did you get started in stand-up?
I always wanted to do
it. So at any opportunity I got up and tried. I have had some awkward
moments on stage! But I kept at it.
Finish now!!
We would be here all
night and I know people have other places they need to get to but thanks
for your interest!
So you believe people can change?
Yes, if they want to but not if someone else is trying to get them to or because of any other reason
except for an internal desire and commitment.
Are you worried that you spread hiv to partners you didn’t
know about?
Since I have been HIV-positive I know I
have not infected any one (25 years)
I was only with a few
men from the time I was infected and the time I actually tested positive. I did
contact them and they were HIV negative. If there was
someone I did infect I do not feel
bad because it would have been at
a time when I did not know I was positive.
So right now do you have hiv or aids?
I have AIDS and I am
in treatment. As long as I have medication I am fine. I would progress to death if for some reason I could
no longer get the pills
Thanks river i learned a lot!
You are welcome!
were you ever suicidal?
Yes! I thought aboutit alot when I was younger. I had several freinds committ suicide and tht was a huge deterant for me. After I found out I
was positive and nothing was going well for me I considered suicide. It was definitely
a sad and seemingly hopeless time in my life. I ended up writing about it and out of that that came some amazing poems
that saved me. You can read the poems in my last book, In Which I lost 1000 Pounds.
What should a guy and 4 girls be for Halloween?
I have never really
gotten dressed up for Halloween so I am not the best person to ask.
River you're awesome! Thanks!
...your stories. thank you for coming and talking. it really
touched me esp. at a time when i was about to give up on everything. you are
so awesome!!
thank you for sharing
that. your note is the reason I keep doing this work.
Thank you so much for speaking tonight. Myself and my sorority thinks you are wonderful!
Thank you were a
fabulous group!
Hey, I was at your lecture and wondering whatever happened
with your hiv problem?
You did an awesome job tonight and I really enjoyed your
presentation!!!-
Thank you so much for
your kind words!
Thanks so much! You
are welcome!
hi i just wanted to thank you. i really appreciated your
speech and definitely paid attention to everything you had to say!
Thanks for your kind words !
Did you know who you got it from? sorry I was just wondering.
Most likely my late
husband, Donald Ray Huston. I was married young and we were separated at the
time. After I found out I was pos I went looking for but he was very sick with AIDS
and he killed himself
Ok just wondering sorry about all that hope your ok I am
That's good to hear! I had another few questions ... I could
relate to you some when you were saying you grew up with no self confidence...
I struggle with my body image daily and feel I am "never good enough"
how do I become okay with myself
It takes work. I
don't read magazines or watch shows that make feel bad. I don't tolerate being
unkind to myself when I am feeling
bad. I talk, write, anything to not sink into depression. It takes vigilance. I
wish u the best!
Are u at the dollar? No
What's the death bed story?
Below is an excerpt
from my one-woman show, Sex, Cellulite and Large Farm Equipment: One Girls
Guide to Living and Dying that tells the deathbed story.
Being deemed a terminal girl does give you an excuse for some real bad
behavior. Especially when the FDA pulls the only treatment that keeps
me alive- oh I forgot to tell you I also have Idiopathic
Thrombocytopenia Pupura, nothing like having a fatal bleeding disorder
that sounds like an Indian dish. Unlike other more popular diseases,
there is no Idiopathic Thrombocytopenia Pupura, walk, no Idiopathic
Thrombocytopenia Pupura, ribbon, not even a picnic. There is no time
for that because you are just going to bleed to death.
Without my monthly IV, I start the process of dying. It’s one of the
few times I look sick. When you are ill the most common greeting is,
“You look good,” Hey, but you’re looking good.” When people start to
say, “Hey you look…how you feeling? You know you’re screwed. So my
cousin comes in the hospital room, with flowers and a Toni Morrison
Book, like I have time left to read that! He says, hey, you look….and
starts crying. I want to tell him to save it for the funeral. I ‘m
pissed at everyone, family, friends, the doctors, the hospital, the
government; the janitor is getting on my nerves. I don’t like myself
very much.
I picture my deathbed experience as
something uplifting, filled with love, family and friends. (Move
forward six inches till light hits face) Sharing fond memories of how
wonderful I am. Instead I feel like telling everyone to fuck off. No
one faults me. Hey, you can be a bitch, you’re dying. But I know if I
live I want to feel different. Obviously I live. I’m like a cockroach,
you can’t kill me. I’m not sure how to change my life but I know it has
to do with my anger. I decide I am going to forgive everyone. Blanket
immunity.
They find an experimental treatment and
about six months after I get out of the hospital I start to walk to
feel better. One day I start running. It was like Run River Run, but
shorter. I run five miles that day. I just got lost in thought about my
life. That same day I find Runner’s World, I don’t know where the hell
it came from but I m now a runner so I page through and I swear to you
in the magazine there is an article about Fat Chicks Who Run Marathons.
They have a website. I log on. They have all kinds of helpful hints,
especially on chafing. Man, stuff is moving. I’m going to run a
marathon. I train each week, as I run I focus on forgiving people in my
life.
Week one, I start easy. I forgive all the
kids on the playground who called me names, Sweaty Betty and Wilma the
Whale. Week two, I forgive the 6 men who raped me when I was 14. Week
3, I forgive the girlfriend I was with when it happen who got away and
didn’t call for help. Each week I tackle another resentment, the whole
HIV experience, from doctors, friends, husbands, nurses to the virus
itself. My mother by far is the hardest. I have lots resentments.
I’m six years old; ”Mommy, am I pretty?”
“Not
really, but then you won’t have to watch your looks fade like mommy.” I
just want to be a good daughter. Since I’ve forgiven her she is back in
my life with her special thoughts. When tell her I do workshops on
loving your body: “What you tell fat people it’s okay to be fat? That’s
not healthy.” She needs lots of love.
I train for a year. I
run 2,4 6, 8 miles. Each week on Friday night I get an IV. I’m knocked
out on Saturday and Sunday I run 10, 12,14,16,18, 20, 22, 24, 26 miles
all by myself. I’m extraordinarily slow. It is the only time I ever
thought implants would be a good thing, you could fill them with water
and they would have pop-up straws, sippy cups! I’m running on a path
and this guy goes by on a bike and yells,
“ Hey there fatty, pick it up!” I forgive him
The
day comes for the marathon. I’m still a little nervous about being seen
in my running shorts. I sort of thought I’d lose a few pounds training.
I’ve gained six.
It’s a perfect fall day, the sky is blue,
the air is clear. I am ready to go. I learned from my fat chicks who
run marathons website, go to the back. Stay out of the way. They do not
have the 22-minute mile. The guy raises the gun and we are off. I’m
running along, I’m running along, Pretty soon I’m running alone, it is
okay, even the lady with the walker has passed me “Hey, move it lard
ass.” I forgive her.
I’m going along and suddenly
I hit the wall, you know what the wall is. It’s like when you can’t
take one more step. I feel I’m going to die. And it is only mile 2!
What happened to all that training? Shit, I ran 26 miles all by myself.
I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Fuck this, I will just tell
people I ran a marathon. I am trying to figure out where’s my car? I
hear these footsteps and this little old guy comes up behind me. On the
front of his shirt it says, The Abdominal Slow Man, on the back “Crazy
Old Man”. I didn’t see that part. People yell out to him, “You go, you
crazy old man.” I think, “That’s rude.” He slows down to run with me.
“You
don’t look so good there, sweetie. Hey, I’m 89, if I can do it, so can
you. I’ve had 9 back surgeries, my spine is probably fused in one piece
by now. We’ll finish together.”
I want to tell
him how sick I feel, about the HIV, but I don’t want to lose my only
friend. tell him. “ I have a bleeding disorder and I don’t think I can
make it.” He talks me through. I get a second wind. I run that marathon
for me and everyone who would never run a marathon, for everyone I
lost. When you live in the world of AIDS you lose everyone it is like
your own private tsunami. Mostly I run it for myself. I forgive myself
for never being talented enough, pretty enough, tall enough, anything
enough. I was enough. On November 21, 1999 I finish the Philadelphia
marathon 7 hours 45 minutes. My life becomes very large after that. A
year after I run the marathon I’m rushed to the hospital with a
suspected brain hemorrhage. As they’re wheeling me down the corridor to
the emergency room, I ask the doctor,
“Am I going to die?” He says, “Probably” I wanted to bitch slap the motherfucker, but I forgive him.
( I told you it was long!)