I’ve never had an orgasm. Can you give me some good tips?

It may be a good idea to spend some time alone with yourself to figure out what gets you excited. When you masturbate there is a lot less pressure to “perform” Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and explore.



First step is find your clitoris for most women this is the key to orgasm. It is a marble shaped organ right above the lips of your vagina. (See the diagram of the vulva below) when stimulated it becomes engorged with blood and rather hard. When you reach orgasm it softens.



A vibrator is a wonderful sexual aid in reaching orgasm but if you don’t have one, or are not ready, there are many ways to masturbate from touching with your fingers, to using a removable shower head and putting a direct spray of water on the clitoris, or rubbing your clitoris against a blanket or pillow.



If you do not feel you are able to masturbation and want to reach an orgasm with a partner, communication is key. You need to talk about what it is you like, how you like it, and be able to guide someone when they are doing something that does not work. You can do this is a gentle; supportive way by showing them which can be erotic for them as well. At first the goal should be exploration, not climax.



Foreplay is extremely important for women to reach orgasm, and not just physical foreplay but emotional foreplay. Having a person attentive to your emotional needs can help you relax and that is what is all about. An orgasm's not going to be happening if you have your mind on something else-bills, is my ass too fat, and is that the baby crying? Or the orgasm itself "Is this it? Am I doing it right?"

Try to be in the moment enjoy the physical sensations and do not try for an orgasm just let it happen. It might take a few attempts but the more relaxed you get with your body and yourself, the easier it will be. 



There are other reason you might not be able to reach orgasm and they are rare, but real-diabetes, hormonal imbalance, arthritis. 

Talk to your doctor about this. Just be aware that sometimes doctors are very dismissive when it comes to sexual issues and do not see it as a possible medical condition. If they say something like, "Keep working at it!" Don't be discouraged.  This is when you need a thick skin and say, "I would like to know if there are some physical possibilities and be tested for them."



More common are also emotional and mental blocks to orgasm including, rape, molestation, assault and incest. These issues are real and need to be addressed with a professional if you feel they are standing in your way to being able to relax during sex and reach climax.

There are many ways you can find your G-Spot. I sometimes think of it as trying to find the latch on the hood of a foreign car. It can be tricky but once you found it you know right where it is forevermore.

Every woman is different and so you need patience and to be able to relax to find it. You can use a toy that has a curve on it, or hook your finger. Then insert into the vagina facing towards your belly button. The g-spot it is located on the vaginal wall, the one by your belly button. Its between and inch 1/2 to 3 inches on the inside vaginal wall. You will know you're in the right spot when you feel the need to urinate. If you try to pee nothing will come out. Instead, experiment with yourself or partner have them go harder and faster in that spot. The need to pee will dissipate and you will experience an orgasm.

Before we get to the g-spot I want to answer a question from a reader that I was asked over the weekend. I will answer the g-spot questions tomorrow.

What does semen taste like?

The Answer:

It is affected by what you eat, how often you ejaculate, and your own chemical make-up.

Some have said it tastes like:

nothing

salty

bitter

little sweet

My husband says it tastes like chocolate ice cream.

Check back tomorrow on how to find a g-spot without a GPS.

Is it possible for men to have an anal orgasm?
Both men and women can have an orgasm through stimulation to the anus also called an anal orgasm.

Next week we will answer questions about the g-spot, what is it, the best positions to reach it and why bother.

Stayed tuned or better yet send me your questions! 

I have to say you are all such an imaginative group with your comments! if you have  the time please post your comments on my blog as well. 

I love them all!  Ed Hose you win the prize. For all the people who are not on facebook Ed's answer to why women can have multiple orgasms:

 "Men have multiple orgasms, just spread out over the course of a month, Women have more important things to do, so they got to squeeze em all in there at once." 

OK, a little sexist, but it made me laugh. Ed you are the funnies people I know! To see Ed's tribute to me: Why I am not a Dead Hooker go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU-YQOJuxTA

Second to the female orgasm and penis size I get asked about anal intercourse. It was hard to choose which one to answer but I am going to go with:

Is it possible for men to have an anal orgasm?

Check back tomorrow for the answer and hopefully all your comments!

For those of you who want to be a fan or friend of facebook just click below 

What is physically happening when a women orgasms? 

Blood heads straight to the vagina and clitoris. The walls of the vagina  secrete beads of lubrication that eventually get bigger and flow together. As the woman become more turned on, blood continues to flood the pelvic area, breathing speeds up, heart rate increases, nipples become erect, and the lower part of the vagina narrows in order to grip the penis while the upper part expands to give it someplace to go. Nerve and muscle tension builds up in the genitals, pelvis, buttocks, and thighs until your body involuntarily releases it all at once in a series of intensely pleasurable waves.

The orgasm is the moment when the uterus, vagina, and anus contract simultaneously at 0.8-second intervals. A small orgasm may consist of three to five contractions; a biggie, 10 to 15.  A recent small-scale study at the Netherlands' University of Groningen found that areas involving fear and emotion are actually deactivated during orgasm.

This a straightforward biological answer to this question. Out of all the questions asked the topic of female orgasm is number one in peoples minds so tomorrow we will continue with:

Why can women have multiple orgasms and men can’t?

If sperm is a protein does it make your teeth stronger?

Sperm is made up of proteins, carbohydrates, (specifically- water, sugar, protein, vitamin C, zinc, and prostaglandins. fructose, ascorbic acid, cholesterol, creatine, citric acid, lactic acid, nitrogen, vitamin B12, and various salts and enzymes.

 There have been no studies that say it makes your teeth stronger. 

To respond to some of the comments I received: 

There are no studies that it makes your bones stronger, clears up your skin or will make you gain weight. I can tell you ejaculate is 90 percent water so depending on the frequency of ejaculation, the age and what the person eats it would be very roughly 2-10 calories per ejaculation. Nothing that will make a difference in weight unless you are drinking buckets of semen and in that case there are other issues at hand.

Tomorrows question:

What is physically happening when a women orgasms?

I have been giving presentations on sex for over two decades. I started out talking about safer sex and my talks evolved with each presentation as it became apparent that people have so many questions and concerns about sex and sexuality.  I was surprised at how much I knew. Part of my knowledge came from college but most from experience. My joke was,  “I used to be a slut little did I know it was research” I have had a varied and rich background when it comes to sex and sexuality from the positive-three lovely marriages each with a great sex life, to the horrific, having survived sexual assault to the less common of having worked in the sex industry. All these experiences gave me insight to sex, sexuality and how we think. 

I have been asked everything and I have collected all of these questions and have almost completed a book that I will make available to download. It will also be available as an app as soon as I am approved, which with all the hang-ups we have in this culture about sex, it is not a sure bet! 

In the meantime I will start posting some of the questions from audience members here in my blog. So stay tuned for tomorrows answer to:

If sperm is a protein does it make your teeth stronger?